Father's worst nightmare
by no1one77
Summary: "Nightmares can seem so real..."- my depiction on the episode Black and Blue from season 2. What could have happened if things were bit different.


Title: **Father's worst nightmare**

**Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

**Father's worst nightmare**

**WARNING: Do not skim read, because you don't want the story to get spoiled! And just one more thing, it's kind of different from my other stories, so don't complain I didn't warn you!**

As usual: I'm not a native speaker, so my apologies for all the errors.

*****BB*****

"Sergeant Renzulli sustained a concussion, officer Reagan is unconscious, so far as we know," detective Baker informed her boss, reading the text on her mobile phone.

"Is the scene secure?" The commissioner asked. He could feel anxiety growing inside of him. His fatherly instincts were telling him to get to Jamie as fast as he could, but he also had his duties as the commissioner. Sometimes he hated his job.

"In the process," Baker replied. "It's a commercial building, but Reverend Potter's church rents an old theatre on the second floor for their sanctuary." She updated her boss on everything she knew at the moment.

"It's on the sensitive locations list," Garret mentioned. "Communications should have relayed that to the responding officers. And look, I know the guy that runs this place is a thorn in your side," Garret stated before he got interrupted by the commissioner.

"You give him too much credit. He's just a camera hog." Frank responded with bitterness in his voice.

"But the church does a lot of good." Garrett contradicted his longtime friend.

"Yeah, they tossed some drug dealers out of the neighborhood. Well, now they've tossed two of my officers down a flight of stairs." The commissioner stated angrily.

He took a deep breath before he turned to his assistant again: "Baker, call my detail and tell them we're heading out."

"I need to see Jamie with my own eyes!" He added as he took his coat off the rack.

*****BB*****

"Dad, thank God, you're here," Danny uttered when he saw his father enter the hospital's waiting room.

"Danny, how is he?" The commissioner asked his oldest eagerly.

"I don't know, dad. I really don't know." Danny replied honestly.

The commissioner could see his oldest son was deeply distracted for he was worried for his baby brother. "He will be okay!" He stated, not sure whether he was trying to convince Danny or himself.

"Did you call your sister as I asked you," the commissioner wanted to know.

"Yes, I did, she said she is on her way," Danny informed his father as he tried to calm down.

"Dad, what happened out there?" Danny questioned his father, trying to understand what happened to his baby brother.

"That's what we are trying to find out, Danny," the commissioner sighed heavily. "But from what we know so far, it seems your brother and sergeant Renzulli were pushed down the stairs," he stated, anger radiating from him.

"By whom?" Danny wanted to know, being ready to set the record straight with whoever touched his kid brother.

"By Potter's so-called security," the commissioner stated bitterly.

"What?" Danny asked shocked. "Say it again," he said towards his father before he got interrupted by his sister who just arrived at the hospital being accompanied by their grandfather.

"Dad!" Erin cried out as she ran towards her father. "How is he?" She wanted to know immediately.

"We know nothing new so far, sweetheart," the commissioner informed his daughter as he embraced Erin in his arms, praying to God his youngest was alright.

*****BB*****

The Reagan family, accompanied by Linda, who came as soon as she could, have been waiting for the news on Jamie already for three hours by now when the doors finally opened and an older-looking doctor approached them.

"The family of officer Reagan, I assume," he addressed them with a weary look on his face.

"Yes, Frank Reagan," the commissioner introduced himself, nervously awaiting any word on his beloved son.

"Of course, commissioner," the doctor replied in a low voice, shaking Frank's hand.

"How is my brother, doc?" Danny asked impatiently, eager to hear how his baby brother was doing.

"Yes, how is Jamie, doctor?" Erin asked as well.

"Why don't we sit down," the doctor suggested carefully to the dreaded family for he had some things to discuss with them.

"What's with my grandson?" Henry asked nervously, fearing for his grandson.

"I'm afraid Jamie suffered a bleeding to his brain." The doctor revealed to the dreaded family members.

"Oh my God," escaped from Erin's lips. Danny squeezed her shoulder, trying to give her little bit of courage.

"How bad is it?" The commissioner asked quietly, trying to absorb the news.

"We did what we could, but I'm afraid the damage was too big," the doctor explained, giving them all an apologizing look.

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand you," the commissioner asked confused, for he was not ready for this, in fact, nothing could have ever prepared him for this.

"Commissioner, I'm so sorry, but the damage your son suffered caused his brain to lose its functions, I'm afraid Jamie is brain-dead," the doctor explained to the shocked family.

"Oh my God," whispered Erin, covering her mouth with her hands. Her eyes starting to flood with tears.

"Good Lord," commented Henry, taking a seat on a nearby chair, not trusting his legs anymore.

"I'm sorry, this can't be right," the commissioner finally spoke again unable to believe the doctor's words, for his mind, was blocking the possibility that his son was gone.

"I'm so sorry, commissioner, but your son is gone." The doctor repeated again, feeling sorry for the grieving father.

And at this moment it doomed on Frank Reagan that his son was gone forever.

Danny, who could see the horror in his father's eyes just quietly came over to him, prepared to assist him in any way he needed.

"Dad, why don't you sit down," he suggested carefully to his father as he took his hand, leading him slowly to the nearest chair so his father could sit down, not sure how much longer his dad could hold it together. Although Danny was shocked by his brother's sudden departure, he realized it was up to him now to take over for his father. He was the one his family could lean on now. He would grieve later, but right now he had to stay strong for them.

"Ehm, I hate to do this right now, but there are things we need to discuss," the doctor addressed the mourning family again after he gave them some time to absorb the news.

"For example?" Danny asked the doctor, not sure what the doctor wanted to talk about.

"Well, Jamie was young and healthy," the doctor sighed heavily. "He is ideal for organ donation," the doctor explained. He didn't mean for his words to hurt the grieving family, but there were other patients who could live thanks to Jamie.

"What?" Erin asked shocked. "How dare you?" She shouted. "We just lost our brother and you want us to give you a permission that you can cut him into pieces and use his organs as they were some spare parts?" She asked, unable to believe her own ears.

"Erin, the doctor is just doing his job," Linda explained to Erin carefully as she took her hand, rubbing her back, trying to soothe her down.

"Ms. Reagan, I understand how hard this must be for you right now, but those people waiting for your brother's organs usually don't have much time, therefore I ask you again to consider this option now," the doctor explained her patiently, not paying attention to her previous outburst. "Jamie's death is a tragedy, but he doesn't have to die for nothing," he added, giving them all an apologizing look.

There was a silence for a long time.

"I think, that's what Jamie would want us to do," Danny stated after a while as he looked at his family members one by one until he reached his father's eyes. The commissioner's eyes were full of tears, but no matter how much he hated to let his youngest son go, deep inside Frank Reagan knew this was the right thing to do.

"I just need a moment with my son," the commissioner stated towards the doctor when he was finally able to speak again. "Can I see my boy first, please?" He asked with an indescribable sorrow in his voice.

"Of course," the doctor assured the grieving father as he motioned him out of the room.

The commissioner stood up and being accompanied by Danny, who was not letting go of his father's hand, ready to provide his father support if he needed, he followed the doctor.

*****BB*****

The commissioner looked at his baby for a long time, holding Jamie's hand in his, gently stroking his son's head which was now freshly bandaged, although he could see some blood clearly leaking through the otherwise white gauze.

He didn't know how long he was sitting here, but it must have been a long time. He felt so old like he has aged hundred years during the last couple of hours.

"Dad," Danny approached his father carefully. "You have to let him go," he whispered quietly. Danny's heart was breaking into pieces, but deep inside he knew it made no sense to keep Jamie with them for it was no more his baby brother, but rather his empty body.

"I can't, Danny, I just can't," the commissioner cried, holding Jamie's hand in his, looking into his son's eyes which were now shut, never to be open again.

"Dad, you can do this, you have to," his oldest told him as he gave his father's arm another encouraging squeeze.

"Why did he have to take my baby, my Jamie, away from me?" The broken man asked, unable to understand how could God be so cruel to him. "First my beloved Mary, then Joe and now my youngest boy. How am I supposed to let my boy go? How am I supposed to survive this ?" He asked, unable to accept the hard cold reality.

"I know, but, dad, keeping Jamie here with us won't help anything," Danny tried to reason with his father. He could clearly see the pain clearly written in his old man's face. "Besides, I doubt Jamie would want us to keep him like this," Danny added, squeezing his father's shoulder firmly.

"You are right, son. I know, you are right," the commissioner admitted. "I just don't know how am I going to live without him," he stated as he gave Danny the saddest look Danny has ever seen on his father's face. The look with so much pain in it.

*****BB*****

The Reagan family gathered around Jamie's hospital bed, each one of them taking their turn to say goodbye to their beloved family member.

They were all crying and it seemed nothing will ever make their cry to stop

"Goodbye, baby brother," Danny whispered into Jamie's ear as he kissed his baby brother on his forehead, tears streaming down his face. "I will never forget you," he mumbled before he returned back to Linda, taking her hand into his.

"I will always love you, Jamie, always," Erin uttered with a broken heart not able to let go of her baby brother. She wasn't far away from falling apart, but she just had to keep it together for a little bit longer before she could fall apart.

"Go in peace," Henry stated as he gave his grandson's head a gentle kiss a made a cross on his forehead, whipping away the tears which were now filling his eyes. He gave Frank's shoulder a squeeze, wordlessly telling him he was there for him.

"Goodbye my son," the commissioner uttered as he was parting with his precious boy, kissing him first on his head and then on his hands. "I love you so much," he added as more tears flooded his eyes.

Mary, Joe, mum, please, take care of him for me before I get to you. I won't be long, I promise. He thought as tears kept streaming down his face.

The room was filled with nothing but the soft cries of the grieving family members and the beeping of the heart monitor until the beeping stopped and there was nothing but cry.

*****BB*****

The alarm clock in his bedroom was showing two in the morning when the commissioner suddenly woke up. His room was dark and cold. He took a deep breath as he sat up in his bed, trying to calm down. His palms were sweaty and his throat was dry. He wasn't able to say whether he just had been through his worst nightmare or whether what he just experienced was a hard cold reality. When he closed his eyes, he could see Jamie dying in front of him and there was nothing he could have done to save him.

After a while, when his breathing came back to normal, the commissioner stood up and went directly to Jamie's room, wanting nothing but to make sure that this all was just a really bad dream. He almost started crying when he found his baby sleeping in his bed safe and sound. The commissioner sat down on the edge of his son's bed, laying his hand on his son's back rubbing it tenderly, thanking God his baby was alive. The commissioner arranged the blanket on his son before he planted a kiss on the top of his head. The slash on his son's head reminded him once again how close he was to losing another son. He then sat down into an armchair which has been in Jamie's room. He would spend the rest of the night there in his son's room watching over his precious boy and would slip out of the room only just before his father would wake up.

He definitely wasn't regretting the fight he had with Jamie earlier that evening when he forced his youngest to come to his house tonight, which was only met with Jamie's reaction: "I'm not a five year old, dad! I can take care of myself, thank you very much! Besides, nothing really happened to me. It's just some cuts and bruises!"

His little stubborn boy. The commissioner thought as he gave his sleeping son another loving smile.

*****BB*****

**Author's note:**

Inspired by the song All I Want From You Is Love from Let's Go Sailing because there is such a beautiful kind of sadness in this song:

Don't worry I can't run that fast

My legs can't carry the rest of me that far

Don't worry you'll still be able to place me

To place me

You point your finger right on me

And all I want from you is love.


End file.
